think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
