Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
