What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
