he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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