Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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