I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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