Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
