I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
