i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
