jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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