Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
