u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
