Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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