remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
