What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
