Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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