yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
