Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
