How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
