is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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