I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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