I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
