p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
