You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
