I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
