he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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