There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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