he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
