Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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