Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
