ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
