Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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