Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
