At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
