Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we're making bets on your personal life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
