i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
