So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
