i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
