He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
