1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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