I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
