pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
