R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
