We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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