day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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