I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
