remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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