whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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