i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
