True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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